West Side Kooks and the BBA

Surf magazines don't depict the reality of life for roughly 90% of the those individuals who buy and read them. Incidentally, only 14.3% of of people who flip through the mags actaually do any "reading" since the pictures are so great and because many surfers is illiterate. Whether you’re reading them or not, the agenda of surf mags are subtly shoved down our throats disguised as realistic depictions of fact

My point is that most of us have to go to school and/or work everyday and that makes finding good waves and the time to surf a constant struggle. Getting a good deal on a board and suit can be a struggle. Getting to an exotic locale for perfect surf during my two week vacation has always been a struggle. The lifestyle the mags depict is that of pro surfers. The big ones should change their names to PRO SURFER, PRO SURFING AND TWPS.

No, the publishers of surf mags don't represent me and the surfing lifestyle my friends and I have been leading most of our lives. We work to surf, not surf to work. So check this out: How is my buddy gonna react when some of the most rippingest surfers on the planet carry on, all loud and totally obnoxious out at Steamer Lane for an afternoon session last Friday afternoon? Yea, West Side heads, shouting boisterously, acting like punks; its as though they're entitled to do so because of their status granted to them by mags that elevate them to dieties. My buddy was driving south and wanted to charge the Lane. He felt sorry for these guys.

Many of us understand that surfing is a spiritual and healing activity, a good way to get in tune with nature. Many of us believe to be able to surf is a blessing. I'd imagine that being able to surf for a living all day long and getting paid to travel to exotic sites would be a blessing. You think pros in Santa Cruz could be humble (think masters of martial arts style-zen) But no.

These fucken surf mags and the clones who edit and publish them don't represent my friends and I. They represent the guys out at Steamer Lane last Friday, clowns in a tightly held circus.

Here I am. I've had Pro Surfer and Pro Surfing Magazine around for thirty years. What was I aspiring to? Now that I'm a grown up I can make better choices for myself.

I estimate that 87.5% of surf mag consumers are not in the BBA (Bro-Brah Association). The BBA was founded with the advent of the second-ever surf magazine when wetsuit ad dollars had to be divided and competed for. Their membership is comprised of garmentos, magazine editors, ad reps, wetsuit company employees, all pro surfers. The senior most ranking officials of the BBA are the directors and officers of the world's largest commercial surfing interests (and their subsidiaries) Quicksilver, Hurly, Volcom, O'neil, etc. Okay, to be more specific: Robert McNight, Dick Woolcott and Billy Bob Hurly, to name a few.

The BBA's function is to serve the personal preferences and entrepeneurial interests of the aforementinoned. I’d love to submit a revealing article for all those readers who would love more than anything to shake Brad Gerlach’s hand or have a conversation with Kelly Slater. I would write how much of a royal prick I’ve seen Gerr act like and how a conversation with Slater is an oxymoron. Every active member of the BBA knows what I’m talking about and agree it’s the truth. Cept Pro Surfer Magazine can’t publish my article. If they did that, the Grand Pubah of the BBA would be on the phone instantly to make sure heads roll. (Even Gerr knows he’s a total dick to people. Slater’s too dingy to even know how much so)

I've seen Wardo so whacked and jacked (after getting bubbled at Hossegor), I realized I'd never hang out with someone like that again. Sunny Garcia is as approachable as an Iraqi insurgent. These people are not friendly and, like thier bro-brahs in Santa Cruz, they don't appear very happy in life or with the fortunate blessings bestowed upon them- -losers.

Yes. If the mags told the whole story, good and bad, the ad dollars would migrate from Pro Surfer Magazine and, who knows, maybe those dollars would end up over at Trans World Pro. If a mag does a big thing on Ruffo’s tweaker stigma, they can only do it after he gets convicted, fired and cast to damnation.

What if the BBA staged a coup and all of the editors of the different mags banded together with their ad reps and they got strong? They could de-throne the current overlords up at the BBA ivory tower and tell them, “This a mutiny. We have the medium, the channel and the circulation you bitches need to sell your wetsuits and flip-flops. We are all going to give the majority of average surfers a fair and objective, truthful representation of the real stories and a realistic depiction of surfing and surfers. And for that, the masses will pay.”

No. That isn’t going to happen. Marriages would end since top BBA members are fathers and brothers in law to each other. In fact, the BBA is so inbred that it’s likely by now that young children of some BBA members were fathered by other high-ranking BBA officials.

It’s an insiders’ game and it borders on collusion (which, for you pro surfers, means really crooked shit). It’s payola which is totally illegal. The FTC could get into this with the FCC.

No. The surf mags don’t represent my friends and I, nor do they represent 92.5% of the people who look at them. They represent the BBA, which is a tiny minority in the global surf community. Reality Surf Check is a tiny voice representing the vast majority of the world’s surfers. Spoiled pro surfers, shady businessmen and cocky editors of pro surf mags are a loud voice representing the interests of the BBA not the rest of us. US Surf mags don’t depict my notion of surfing.

They're just like porn mags. I just like to look at the photos.

-Scotty Breauxman

It should be noted that Aussie mags, much like Aussies themselves, tend to tell it more like it really is. Good on ya mates- RSC